One-Year Sentence

I am no longer 1-1.

So when I write my full name,

I’m still familiarizing myself.

Like tonight.

I am just

Practicing putting 2, instead of 1

Erasing the “is,” making it “was.”

I am unlearning us.

I am the narrative,

The ringing in my ears that I can’t stop.

A problem I caused but couldn’t defend,

And can only improve from.

I had high hopes.

Now I have fallen,

All the way down.

From the curious place that you were,

A thorned fence,

And I always liked crossing the line.

You should’ve seen how I paid

For the crime of showing myself to you

And when you found out,

You asked me how I had planned not to get caught.

I thought I was sharp,

But I was the one bleeding.

I had such a limited interval

From being selfish,

To feeling guilty,

Then you mocking me,

Even when you don’t admit it.

So I won’t admit anything more than I already have.

You could’ve just said you didn’t want me around.

But then again,

I trespassed into your life,

Stealing the batteries out of your clocks.

I shouldn’t have taken your time

And wasted mine.

I just really wanted you

To have a space for me.

But now I have stopped

Writing the right words

For the wrong person.

After this

I’ll recover first

Instead of taking another risk.

I’m not sure I can trust myself to make one

Anytime soon.

For the past year

The lines of the paper have been bars,

And I was handcuffed to the good thoughts of you.

And if my sentence will ever be anything

It will be honest and true.

We are just two bad, imperfect people who found each other.

Now, if freedom ever feels like anything,

It feels like turning around from where I was hurt.

It feels like moving at my own pace,

Choosing peace over recklessness.

You were the last full sentence I felt thrilled to make.

But I can’t spend every night craving the thrill of the chase

Only to end up running

Out of breath.

I am taking it all in—

My second chance

To have better goals and dreams to achieve,

Something I would be proud of and wouldn’t regret,

Something I wouldn’t be ashamed of trying so hard for.

I am no longer hung up.

So when I try to write a full sentence,

I’m learning how to say it best.

Nothing can surpass doing better for myself for once after trying to make the one out of you.